Elena: Stefan we’re late for school
Stefan: Let’s be later.
Elena: Stefan, it’s school. Remember that thing we keep forgetting about?
11. Is that a threat?
Katherine (to Elena and Co.): Fine. I’ll just go to the Grill and have some lunch. Maybe Aunt Jenna’s free for a bite.
10. It’s called role reversal
Matt (to Caroline): I don’t get it. Since when am I the one who can express himself and you’re the one who’s at a loss for words?
9. Ever so clever
Damon (to Stefan): What did Papa Witch and Baby witch have to say?
8. No, that doesn’t make me feel better
Katherine (to Damon): If it’s any consolation. I’m glad that you’re not dead.
7. Can’t we all get along?
Doc Martin (to Luka): Those people, they’re our enemies.
6. Sarcastic much?
Caroline: I am a winner when it comes to successful relationships.
Jenna: You too?
Caroline: You have no idea.
5. So that’s what it’s called
Damon (to Stefan): It’s some kind of crazy-ass psychic witch attack. Get over there and do something about it.
4. That’s one way to look at it
Jenna (to Alaric): Whatever it is you’re keeping from me, whatever it is you think I can’t handle, you’re right. Because last year I was a grad student who smoked a lot of pot and couldn’t keep a goldfish alive and now I’m a parent. So I think I can handle anything ‘Ric.
3. Say what?
Caroline: Just ‘cause I talk a lot doesn’t mean I know what I’m talking about.
2. Thanks will suffice
Katherine (to Elena): I’m guessing you’re going to want this back. [Holds out E’s Vervain necklace] But your pretty little outfit is going to need a good dry cleaning.
1. On to the next one
Jenna: Not tonight, right? Tonight I trade you for Señor Tequila.
Alaric: Señor Tequila’s not treating your very well.
Jenna: Well then the two of you have a lot in common.